Connections

[squirmelia]

My vision keeps being consumed by a gaze of longing towards nothing in particular, or sometimes the clouds seen out of the office window. I saw Before Sunset, and now it's as if a fresh twist of lust is twirling me towards it, and I feel like I did as a child watching Anne and Gilbert trying to ignore each other. Butterflies in the stomach, but not specific towards a person butterflies, more like caterpillars really, the edges of the leaves rustling. That connection between the characters, that's what's affecting me. I keep trying to remember if I ever truly connected with anyone, in any kind of meaningful way, and well, maybe. I could pretend that I have a force-field around me, or that I'm a paid up member of the cult of aloneness, but, actually, I admit fragmented moments, faded a little now, in not such a bad way, even though the pages are torn and mangled. Whether those connections were real or just a momentary lapse from reality that made me look into the distance and not care about anything closer for a while, doesn't really matter now.

Comments

[squirmelia.livejournal.com]

I think we have to let ourselves by influenced by others at least a little, because otherwise we may never interact with anything new, especially if you agree with Descartes in that even our dreams do not invent anything new and are based upon experiences. It's probably the way in which we use that influence that matters.

I'm not a fan of TV, but the debate about TV is always an interesting one - I have to watch TV at work, which makes it a bit difficult when it comes to TV Turn-off Week (http://www.adbusters.org/metas/psycho/tvturnoff/), but I read a fairly interesting thread (http://http://www.barbelith.com/topic/17635) on Barbelith (http://www.barbelith.com), which made me wonder why exactly it is that watching TV is looked down upon so much compared to other forms of media.

>It feels so incredible not having to live under a facade anymore

What was the facade that you were living under, if you don't mind me asking?

>On another note, i watched a video interview with all the members from tool

I remember reading some sort of interview some years ago now, but have not really heard much of them since, I guess. A video interview does indeed sound interesting.

>it's downloadable

Sounds good. I don't have ADSL at the moment, but when I have it again, I shall search for it. :)

[gentio.livejournal.com]

hmm, I don't really get with Descartes, I think his scepticism held him back alot, as did the time he lived in..
He might have felt that dreams do not invent anything new, but dreams also led him to cast doubt and turn against all of his senses, which in my eyes goes agaisnt the continental rationalism that he is claimed for pioneering..

Being influenced by others is a great thing, but it's the separation from being influenced by others and consciously choosing the parts of that influence you want to take on board, and sucoming to the influence of that person and un-consciously incorportating parts of them into yourself ( for whatever reason, political, social etc..) that most people aren't aware of..

The decision of what influences you want to allow and what to block can only come if you have a ideal image of yourself and what you wish to become, chances are that you've drawn yourself to those influences anyway, because you can recognise their merit.

I think i look down on TV compared to other media (mainly)because it's become almost purley a revenue stream for the greed orientated global companies, where as other forms have managed to stay away from revolving themselves around their sponsors. At least partially anyway.

"What was the facade that you were living under, if you don't mind me asking?"

It was a case of trying to be a certain person depending on social surroundings at the time. I was having some really hard times in a failing relationship I was in, and i realise now that I was trying really hard to hide and change the person i was inside so that it would match what I thought my girlfriend at the time wanted me to be, inorder to save the relationship. It was mainly that, and also that i was spending alot of time with some people that i've known since I was 16, and found it really hard to let the changes that have happened to me and my personal development since we all moved on show, for fear of them not being able to associate with me in the way that we used to. The relationship finished and I moved in with a guy I hardly knew for 3 months, and over that time I completely shed the "skin" that the above things led me to aquire. And I feel great for it.

Yeah i've read a couple with maynard, but never the whole band, and never on video. Hope you get to check it out :)

[squirmelia.livejournal.com]

>The decision of what influences you want to allow and what to block

It would be great to be able to choose exactly what we will let influence us, but getting to that point could indeed be very hard, since being aware of all the millions of things we experience every day and then choosing whether to allow them through or not could be extremely time-consuming, even if you were really that aware of everything, and could control it. I guess the default option could be to try to block everything, and then let only certain things through, but a problem could be losing touch with everyday life, I guess.

[gentio.livejournal.com]

well yeah, blocking yourself off to that extent would just make the alientation worse..

I think to do it on a pro-active level would be really hard, and totally time consuming. A post-event reactive approach is better and alot easier, " hrm, it was nice to spend time with that person but i felt myself echoing their x,y,z personality trates, of which y and z i'd much rather not."

[squirmelia.livejournal.com]

I shall try not to hide underneath my desk, screaming, "Oh no, I am being influenced by the yellow colouring of the nearby post-it note, and this must not happen!" :)