Connections

[squirmelia]

My vision keeps being consumed by a gaze of longing towards nothing in particular, or sometimes the clouds seen out of the office window. I saw Before Sunset, and now it's as if a fresh twist of lust is twirling me towards it, and I feel like I did as a child watching Anne and Gilbert trying to ignore each other. Butterflies in the stomach, but not specific towards a person butterflies, more like caterpillars really, the edges of the leaves rustling. That connection between the characters, that's what's affecting me. I keep trying to remember if I ever truly connected with anyone, in any kind of meaningful way, and well, maybe. I could pretend that I have a force-field around me, or that I'm a paid up member of the cult of aloneness, but, actually, I admit fragmented moments, faded a little now, in not such a bad way, even though the pages are torn and mangled. Whether those connections were real or just a momentary lapse from reality that made me look into the distance and not care about anything closer for a while, doesn't really matter now.

Comments

[squirmelia.livejournal.com]

>The decision of what influences you want to allow and what to block

It would be great to be able to choose exactly what we will let influence us, but getting to that point could indeed be very hard, since being aware of all the millions of things we experience every day and then choosing whether to allow them through or not could be extremely time-consuming, even if you were really that aware of everything, and could control it. I guess the default option could be to try to block everything, and then let only certain things through, but a problem could be losing touch with everyday life, I guess.

[gentio.livejournal.com]

well yeah, blocking yourself off to that extent would just make the alientation worse..

I think to do it on a pro-active level would be really hard, and totally time consuming. A post-event reactive approach is better and alot easier, " hrm, it was nice to spend time with that person but i felt myself echoing their x,y,z personality trates, of which y and z i'd much rather not."

[squirmelia.livejournal.com]

I shall try not to hide underneath my desk, screaming, "Oh no, I am being influenced by the yellow colouring of the nearby post-it note, and this must not happen!" :)