Connections

[squirmelia]

My vision keeps being consumed by a gaze of longing towards nothing in particular, or sometimes the clouds seen out of the office window. I saw Before Sunset, and now it's as if a fresh twist of lust is twirling me towards it, and I feel like I did as a child watching Anne and Gilbert trying to ignore each other. Butterflies in the stomach, but not specific towards a person butterflies, more like caterpillars really, the edges of the leaves rustling. That connection between the characters, that's what's affecting me. I keep trying to remember if I ever truly connected with anyone, in any kind of meaningful way, and well, maybe. I could pretend that I have a force-field around me, or that I'm a paid up member of the cult of aloneness, but, actually, I admit fragmented moments, faded a little now, in not such a bad way, even though the pages are torn and mangled. Whether those connections were real or just a momentary lapse from reality that made me look into the distance and not care about anything closer for a while, doesn't really matter now.

Comments

[gentio.livejournal.com]

well yeah, blocking yourself off to that extent would just make the alientation worse..

I think to do it on a pro-active level would be really hard, and totally time consuming. A post-event reactive approach is better and alot easier, " hrm, it was nice to spend time with that person but i felt myself echoing their x,y,z personality trates, of which y and z i'd much rather not."

[squirmelia.livejournal.com]

I shall try not to hide underneath my desk, screaming, "Oh no, I am being influenced by the yellow colouring of the nearby post-it note, and this must not happen!" :)