Saturday 15th December

I wander past the swirls of Bengali words, stumble by the Space Invader, and then I'm browsing CDs, flicking through post-industrial, Japanese, out rock and free noise.

There's a nearby Instagramers exhibition, photos of Iconic London, but it's the photos of Shit London I see later that appeal to me more. I try to stifle my laughter in the gallery, while I look at the elf storage units, graffiti I pass regularly but was unable to understand before, and the shops with funny names.

I see a few Santas buying snacks and I presume they have taken a detour away from SantaCon for now at least. There's no escaping Santa, as a bug wearing a Santa hat smiles down at me from the roof by Village Underground. There's a blue plaque nearby that says "Crunchy. The Credit Crunch Monster. 2008 - 2010. Official mascot of the global recession."

I stare at the textures in the White Cube gallery, pools of black and gold, pleasingly swirled. The Next Life's On Me.

Then I jump aboard a bus and sit at the front at the top, and stare out at the skyscrapers that we pass. Soon, I'm at St Katharine's Dock and on a boat, trying to decipher French text that mentions pirates, and staring at piles of onions.